Your TARP Money At Work

It is bad enough knowing that our tax money is propping up banks. What is worse is seeing our tax money spent on bank TV commercials and websites telling us to come to the bank for advice on how to save and plan for the future.

What the hell do banks know about that?

The timing of these TV spots is incredibly bad. These days, many of us check the news daily to see if Citibank is broke and going out of business, if Bank of America is actually lending the TARP money we gave them, if Wells Fargo has bitten off more than it could chew by buying subprime monster Wachovia.

If US banks knew anything about planning for the future, we wouldn’t even be in the mess we’re in today. Based on what we have seen the last couple of years, a bank is the last place I would go for advice on saving, planning, or investing.

The following comedy material comes from the banks’ and insurance companies’ actual current websites after the recent debacles. (The websites pretty much reflect the content of the current related TV commercials.) Please finish whatever you’re drinking now as we take a look at some bank and insurance company websites and their hilarious attempts to serve as a clearinghouse for your financial advice needs. (Wouldn’t want you to snort milk or any carbonated beverages out of your nose.)

· “Knowledge is the key to any investment.” – Citibank (Pause for loud laugh here.)

· “Creating a budget can be done easily with pencil and paper, spreadsheets, or financial planning software. Look at your monthly income first, or how much money you receive each month.” – Bank of America (Good advice…did they follow it themselves?)

· On having a good credit rating: “Your score is negatively affected if you have paid bills late, had an account sent to collection, or declared bankruptcy. The more recent the problem, the lower your score -- a 30-day late payment today hurts more than a bankruptcy five years ago.” – Washington Mutual (Wonder what their FICO score is!)

· “AIG Retirement Services offers a wide variety of retirement products including mutual funds, combination, fixed, and variable annuities to meet your needs.” – AIG (Does anyone believe that AIG will even be there by the time we retire so they can “meet our needs”?)

· “Making suitable investment decisions can be tricky. “ – Wachovia (Just ask Wachovia's new owner, Wells Fargo!)

· On managing credit: “Can you reduce your payments and consolidate outstanding debt at the same time?” – Citibank (Question: can they?)

· On tax planning: “Sometimes a little knowledge makes a lot of difference in your return.” – Citibank (Stop it! You’re killing me!)

Is anyone stupid enough to consider these incompetents as experts at anything but begging for government money? Will anyone of this generation ever believe banks or insurance companies again? Will you?